Sermon Begins at 29:00
A few weeks ago, our lesson from the Hebrew Bible was the story of Absalom.
Maybe you remember that the lesson ended with King David mourning for his son, who had tried to usurp his throne.
When all of David’s generals were standing around rejoicing, “May all of the king’s enemies, and all who rise up to do you harm, be like that young man.”
But, David mourned over the death of his child,
“O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would that I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”
For me, this is one of the deepest and truest moments in all of Scripture.
Of all the wrong things that David did, this is the moment, where I say to myself, “I get it.”
I get why God loved David so much.
In a world, that so often calls for violence against our enemies without remorse, without compassion, without hesitation.
David is able to see the little boy, who was raised in his household, to see the tragedy of the young man’s decisions, and to mourn for the child who was lost.
I think, in this moment, David shows us how God feels about all of us, and in fact this is the very reason that God became part of David’s royal line;
To show us this kind of undeserved, unreserved mercy through Jesus Christ.
On the other hand, when we get to today’s lesson from 1st Kings, we see another child of David, a man whose name became synonymous with wisdom in the ancient world, Solomon.
Solomon is the second child of David and Bathsheba, much younger half brother to Absalom.
While Absalom was the child of David’s warrior days, Solomon is the child of David’s dotage,
When the “king’s go out to war,” but David is in his chamber spying on the bathing habits of other men’s wives instead of leading his army.
Maybe you’ve wondered this about families that you’ve known (or your own), I know that as a parent I look at my children and wonder,
Have you ever looked at two children raised in the same house and thought, wow, how are they so different?
I think that Absalom and Solomon’s stories make us wonder this same kind of thing.
In light of the fact that our lesson from Ephesians recommends that we put on the whole armor of God,
I’m moved to preach to you this morning about the importance of Positive Childhood Experiences and how they can help our children to overcome adversity and trauma.
Psalm 84 is about delighting in God and about living a happy life.
Treatises on the happy life were a popular genre of writing in the ancient world, heck, they’re a popular genre in our world, only now the advice comes in magazines rather than philosophical discourses.
The psalm says, “happy are those who…”
“Dwell in God’s house” – people who put themselves in proximity to God and recognize God’s presence in their lives.
“Whose strength is in God” – people who recognize the limits of their own strength and their ability to keep themselves safe without God’s help.
“Whose hearts are pilgrim hearts” - people who are seekers.
People who can find abundance even in desolate valleys – No matter the situation, these people recognize that their situation does not determine the condition their condition is in.
And finally, happy are they who put their trust in God.
Two other very famous versions of the happy life are De Beata Vita by Seneca the younger, who was the tutor of Emperor Nero Caesar in the first century of the Common Era.
And of course, Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, “Blessed are those who…”
Which totally flips the script on what normally counted as happiness in the ancient world.
In any case, happiness – in whatever way that it is presented – has been recognized for millennia as the way to armor oneself against the vicissitudes of life.
It has been one of the major measures that is seen to account for why some people are resilient and some are not,
Why some people avoid self-made tragedy and some do not.
Because the beginning of happiness is wisdom for the ancients.
And so we see that, in their world, two of the main pieces of armor that one needs for life are happiness and wisdom.
In our world, researchers and scholars have also been looking into this question, “what makes a happy life?”
“How do some people become resilient, while others struggle?”
“How do some kids turn into well-adjusted adults and some of us can’t seem to figure it out?”
I want to stop for just a second at this point and recognize that what I say next may be triggering.
By that, I mean, it may resonate a little too deeply and cause feelings of stress or shame.
My goal is not for anyone to feel shame or guilt, when we talk about this.
My goal is not to blame anyone, or to call into question the love of our parents for us.
Our parents do the best that they can with the tools that they have, just as we do the best for our kids with the tools that we have.
This sermon is not a judgement in any way.
What it is, I hope, is a new tool, a new way to think about our own childhood experiences and our children’s experiences in a new way.
I also want to assure you that in this work, no matter where we start our journey, if our hearts are set on the pilgrim’s way, we can overcome any adversity.
With that said, let’s move ahead.
At least since the late 1990’s as far as I can find, when Vincent J Felitti, Robert F Anda and others wrote an article for the American Journal of Preventitive Medicine about the correlation between children who experience abuse or familial disfunction and adverse adult health outcomes.
Since then, quite a lot of research has been focused on two particular things; called Adverse Childhood Experiences and Positive Childhood Experiences.
What researchers have found is not surprising.
Children who experience trauma and adverse experiences fair much worse in adulthood from mental and physical health to resilience, than their counterparts who have more positive childhood experiences.
This should not be surprising in the least.
What is surprising is that wealth and privilege have nothing to do with whether a child has adverse or positive childhood experiences.
By all measures, socio-economic status alone is not by itself an indicator of whether a child will be happy, resilient, or healthy in adulthood.
Certainly it shields them from certain types of trauma, but not all of them.
But why is this the case?
I mean, we try everything we can to give our kids everything in the world in the hope that their lives will be better than ours.
Am I right?
We try to shield them from the things that harmed us, and we try to give them the things that we never had, that we never dreamed of having.
And yet, wealth and privilege and shielding (the “Be Careful” life that we talked about last week) have not guaranteed that they will be better off than we are.
How can this be the case?
The other surprise that comes from the research is the types of things that researchers have proposed as the list of Adverse and Positive Childhood Experiences.
So, let me just read them to you.
On the list of Adverse Childhood Experiences, called ACEs: (again, this could be triggering, so if you find yourself in that situation please feel free to step out if you need to, this is a safe place and I want you to feel safe)
1. Did you feel that you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, or had no one to protect or take care of you?
2. Did you lose a parent through divorce, abandonment, death, or other reason?
3. Did you live with anyone who was depressed, mentally ill, or attempted suicide?
4. Did you live with anyone who had a problem with drinking or using drugs, including prescription drugs?
5. Did your parents or adults in your home ever hit, punch, beat, or threaten to harm each other?
6. Did you live with anyone who went to jail or prison?
7. Did a parent or adult in your home ever swear at you, insult you, or put you down?
8. Did a parent or adult in your home ever hit, beat, kick, or physically hurt you in any way?
9. Did you feel that no one in your family loved you or thought you were special?
10. Did you experience unwanted sexual contact?
I’m not going to linger on these for too long. I just want to notice that some are neglect and some are abuse, which we all would pick out if we were asked what we thought might be on the list.
I notice these things, now, as I think about my childhood, the childhoods of kids I’ve known, my own kids, as I listen to news reports about famine and displacement in Haiti, safety and security in Gaza or Ukraine, as I think about stories I’ve read like Oliver Twist or I know Why the Caged Bird Sings.
But notice also the list isn’t just about abuse or neglect, “did you lose someone and did you feel loved and special.”
Almost two-thirds of adults report experiencing at least one Adverse experience from this list in their childhood.
My guess is that this number would be higher, if the “did you lose someone” category accounted for displacement (changing schools and losing contact with childhood friends, moving away from family for a job, and the list could go on)
Of course, the more ACEs one has, the larger the effect.
About one in eight people have experienced four or more ACEs.
Now, this may seem bleak.
If you’re like me, hearing this list and thinking that these things happen is painful and heavy.
It’s important that we recognize both for ourselves, our families, but also for our community, that these things have happened and are continuing to happen right now.
And, in fact, sometimes we even normalize them.
They become a rite of passage, or I had to go through it now you have to go through it, that’s just the way it is.
This is the principle behind hazing practices.
No pain, no gain. This is going to make you stronger, toughen you up.
And to be sure, getting through some adversity does make us stronger.
Living a life free from adversity doesn’t always serve us, as I preached last week.
But there is a difference between some adversity and the list I just read to you.
Of course, some of our ACEs are out of our control, but some of them are within our control, if we have the tools and knowledge to recognize them and to mitigate them rather than normalize them.
On the other side of the coin, blessedly, there are also seven Positive Childhood Experiences.
This list too will probably surprise you:
1. I was able to talk with my family about my feelings
2. I felt that my family stood by me during difficult times
3. I enjoyed participating in community traditions
4. I felt a sense of belonging as a teenager
5. I felt supported by friends
6. I had at least two non-parent adults who took a genuine interest in me
7. I felt safe and protected by an adult in my home
Can I tell you what I find most fascinating about this list?
There is no place on the list that says, “I had the best family vacations, my parents bought me an iphone, my parents loved me so much that they got into a fist fight at Toys R Us to get me the last ‘It’ gift for Christmas, I always had brand name clothes to wear, my parents paid for the best travel sports teams and sent me to elite private schools.”
What this list DOES say is that people who felt supported, loved, mentally and physically supported by family and non-family, who felt special in some way, who belonged to something greater than themselves;
These are the experiences that create health, wellness, resilience, and happiness.
These are the things that help to create a Beata Vita.
And I want to give you a message of hope through this.
Because, if almost all of us experience one or more ACEs, it can also be true that we simultaneously have positive experiences.
Less than 8% of people have fewer than two Positive Childhood Experiences.
And, that in many cases, having multiple Positive Childhood Experiences gives our kids and ourselves a thicker coat of armor against our adverse experiences.
In a time when the American Society of Pediatrics and others have called youth mental health a national emergency,
When we can feel helpless in the face of the traumas that the modern world can inflict on us and our children,
I think that God is sending us a clear message and empowering us today to make a difference.
This list of Positive Childhood Experiences is a wake up call, because these same things, I guarantee, are good for adults as well.
Our money and privilege are not going to save us.
Only our living bread can do that, our spiritual nourishment.
All things are possible through God. Recovery, Resilience, and Restoration of souls is possible.
Researchers have shown that there is almost always the possibility for people to heal from ACEs.
I know that as I look out at all of you today, as I look at myself in the mirror every morning, as I look at my own kids and our kids who come here for reading program or football weigh-ins or Sunday School,
I see people who have survived hard things,
I see people who have overcome adversity,
I see people who know that they belong,
I see people who feel supported and special,
I see people who know that they can express their feelings and receive compassion,
I see people who know that what has happened to you does not define you.
I see people who put their trust in God, whose hearts are on the pilgrim’s way, who dwell in the house of the Lord every week, who find strength in Jesus the offspring of David’s royal line.
I see people who make a difference every day of their lives.
It is people like us; safe people, caring, loving people, spiritual people, Jesus people, who will help to make a difference in this world.
What a gift that is to our world.
Thank you for being those people.
Thank you for being the kind of people that when the question is asked,
“you down with PCEs”
You respond,
“yeah you know me.”
Now go spread the good news.
Amen.
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